


Confessions Untold

by MissZuipperpips



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Teen Angst, davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6525850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissZuipperpips/pseuds/MissZuipperpips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat can't admit to each other how they really feel and have the awkward delight of their first kiss, followed by fluff and angst.<br/>And maybe more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this just as the beta kids and trolls officially met up (on the lilypad) with the alpha's so it basically takes place on the meteor and events before they reached the alpha's universe.
> 
> I also used Rose's POV sometimes because I thought it would be more interesting to get a third perspective and so that she's not a basic background character because her and Kanaya are just as important and present in the story (even if it's still not that evident at the moment).

==> Be Rose

You were sitting with Kanaya on the big red sofa of the main common room _trying_ to read, except that Dave and Karkat were making the biggest commotion in the background. Karkat had a hand on Dave’s face trying to push him over while Dave was desperately reaching around him to grab something Karkat was making sure was out of his reach.

“Boys!” you yell out. “Would you stop for five minutes and take this ruckus some place else.”

They stopped mid scuffle and look at you, Karkat had this fire in his eyes like he would never give up while Dave took the quiet moment to try and get a little closer to him.

“What is it you’re doing anyway?”

“Dave won’t let me have my piece and quiet is what’s happening Lalonde,” he managed to shove Dave off and take a step back.

Dave was panting with his hands on his knees.

“He’s not showing me his fanfiction,” he said it like Karkat had stolen his favourite toy.

You scoff at that. “Oh really?” You stand up to try and mediate between them better, Kanaya stays and watches you saunter over. “You’ve piqued my interest Dave,” you smirk at Karkat, only because you’ve been after dirt like this for almost a year now.

“Low blow man, don’t get your sister to gang up on me too.”

“Ecto-sister to you, nubby,” Dave’s composure was back and he was eyeing the book again.

“Oh no, I’ll wait patiently, you’ll misplace it one day, or Dave will finally get his grubby hands on it, but let it be known that you will rue the day you ever take your eye of that book, or is it plural by now?”

Karkat gives you this wary stare that answers all your questions and more.

Dave leaps for Karkat again, tumbling them onto the transportalizer and teleporting them out of the room.

“Hmph, at least its quiet now,” you return to your seat by Kanaya and continue flicking through the book she wrote for you on quadrants.

 

==> Be Dave

You fall into an empty corridor and Karkat scrambles off as fast as he can, you’re glad to have your godtier pajamas on because you swear the cape makes you faster. You shoot down the hall after him, catching him transportalize again and you have a funny feeling you know where he’s gone.

You find yourself in Can Town in no time, but he wasn’t there yet, the Mayor wasn’t either. You felt suspicious, but the panting and footsteps come down the hall on queue. You take your cape in both hands and wait for him to run through the threshold to catch him in it, he screams, or more accurately makes a very strangled noise before falling to the ground in a heap. “Where’s the goods Karkat,” you wade through the cape to find the book, there was a lot more to your cape than you realised, it was huge.

But he coiled into a ball and growled at your efforts to open him up. The Mayor wondered into the Town at that moment and dropped everything he was holding; he ran over and started patting at you in a panic. “Woah lil' man, what’s got you worked up?” He poked at Karkat and cocked his head from one side to the other. “No, he’s fine, just having a breakdown, you know the drill by now.” You let Karkat be and picked up everything the Mayor had dropped and took it to where he directed. Karkat didn’t budge the whole time.

You wonder back over and ruffle his hair. “Karkles, wakey wakey, time to play is over, I won’t try and nab it, I promise.”

He makes a very disgruntled noise at you and growls, you wonder if poking him would help, or even better tickling. The Mayor spares Karkat the torture before you start, he puts a hand out to tell you to back off, and you do, then he kneels down and pats Karkat on the head.

The troll boy slowly looks up at him and then searches for you with narrowed eyes. “I swear to gog Strider, if you come anywhere near these prolific and intrinsically personal books I will personally see to it that you get a hundred smuppets shoved up your spine crevice.”

“Nice imagery man, sounds like you’ve written it before.”

His face actually gets redder and he has this intense look of rage on his face, but you bet its because he’s embarrassed, he totally has written something about you, you bet ten thousand boon bonds on it.

You’re having a stare down with him, even if he was only staring at your shades, but you could feel the tension rise. But the Mayor is hoping madly between you trying to draw your attention, “what’s the deal Mayor?”

He points at you, then Karkat, and proceeds to hug himself.

“Did he seriously just suggest that?” Karkat was looking at the carapace man with a slight twitch to his eye.

“You heard him, the Mayor demands hugs,” you smirk at him and he rolls his eyes back.

The Mayor takes it into his own hands and tugs at Karkat’s sleeve, trying to pull him closer to you. You extend your arms and wait for him to get closer so you can give him a heavy hug, except you don’t, no sooner are your arms around him they’re gone, you picked his pocket like a pro and ran out of the room as fast as you could with his fanfiction diary, laughing behind you.

“Dave Strider you fucking primitive jerkfuck!” He yells after you.

But when you realise he wasn’t following you stop and turn back, this couldn’t be a trap could it? No, Karkat sucked at sneaking, you’d proved this many times before. You walked back to the Town and found him sitting on the floor with the Mayor, drawing angry faces on the ground around him. You crouch down and hand him the book, “I wouldn’t read it without your permission bro, I’m not all asshole.” You shift so you’re kneeling in front of him and pat his shoulder so he’d look up at you, “I’m sorry Karkat, c’mere.” You pull him into a hug and he sighs into your shoulder, half heartedly hugging you back.

“Its personal,” he mumbled into you.

“Do you think I’ve shown you all my raps and ill jams? I get it, I wasn’t intending to make you mopey, I thought we were having a little fun.” You pull away from the hug and sit on your legs, he has this fierce scowl directed at you, but the Mayor gives him a friendly pat on the back and a smile that softens his features. “Now lets stop being sappy fools and do something better,” you stand up and stretch out a hand toward him, he smiles weakly and takes it, and you both get to work on helping the Mayor improve Can Town for the next few hours.

 

==> Be Rose

The tables were turned and this time you were arguing with Kanaya in front of the boys, who were sitting ridiculously close without touching on the red sofa, husktop propped on Karkat’s knees probably playing a movie.

“This is confusing Kanaya, when does the hate start and the blackrom end? I didn’t know we had a real argument yesterday, is this even a real argument?” You frown at her but she turns her back to you.

“Yes. And I thought you’d understand by now, there are obvious tell tails to black flirting, this is not the time or place to be discussing it though,” she huffed with her arms crossed tightly and a stiff upper lip.

Dave looked lost but Karkat was watching you both keenly. “Can’t you just hatekiss and get over it, you’re being rather disruptive,” he says it with a flat tone, not without interest but certainly without malice.

“Oh but you’d miss the show Karkat, I see the way you’re glancing between us. Piecing the puzzle together, you’re not alone in the analyzing either,” you smirk at him, managing to keep perfect composure even mid argument.

“I understand jack shit,” Dave perks up.

“I was talking about me Dave, there’s a lot to observe between the two of you.” Dave frowns but the colour drains from Karkat’s face, he was awful at keeping composure, he should get more pointers from Dave in time.

“What, you mean Karkat and me?”

“Karkat and I,” you correct, but he ignores you regardless.

“Whatever, I don’t know what you see but I see two cool bros hunkering down to watch some hellacious flicks, you’re welcome to join if your mistress is cool with it.”

Kanaya shoots him a dirty look and you snicker.

“You’re not taking this very seriously are?” She takes a step toward you with a hard glare.

You almost, _almost,_ step back, but hold your ground. “I still don’t know how to feel about this, it’s like your coaxing me into something,” you meet her gaze just as harshly.

“Coax you?” she scoffs. “Oh Rose, I know you’re smarter than that,” she takes another step and you can’t help but back up, except you forgot you were barely a foot away from the table. She has this angry smile playing over her features; a smile you’ve learned to mean she is toying with you and you can’t believe you actually took the bait this time. She catches you in a chaste kiss and Karkat groans in the background.

“What did I fucking say, now take your public display somewhere the sun don’t shine and make it a private display instead, it will save all our retinas from this disgraceful spectacle,” he grumbles at you and you feel Kanaya smiling on your lips.

You flip him off, knowing how easily that pissed him off while keeping your lips locked with Kanaya. He slams the husktop closed and storms off to the transportalizer.

“Oh now you’ve done it,” Dave sighs like its some obligation to look after the troll.

“You’re not moirails, are you Dave?” you ask leaning around Kanaya to see him.

“I don’t know, no. I’m not even one hundred percent on this troll shit,” he shrugs.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Like you can comment,” Karkat jabs.

“Oh, so when I hug my girlfriend it’s different to when you hug Dave?”

“Yes,” he replies.

“We don’t hug,” Dave chimes in at the same time. And oh they tell you so much in so few words.

“Mhmm.” To your joy neither of them realise what you’ve read between the lines. “Well I think Kanaya and I are over due for a hate-date, I’ll catch up with you boys later,” you take Kanaya’s hand and lead her to the transportalizer, leaving the knuckleheads to work out what they just said on their own.

 

==> Be Karkat

God fucking damn Lalonde, she had this wicked way of forcing you into a corner and blubbering like a seadweller fresh out of fish puns. Dave was oblivious however, or you damn well hoped he was. He was wondering over to the table in the middle of the room full of bottles with varying amounts of liquid.

“Do trolls have alcohol?” he picked up a bottle and swirled the liquid inside.

“What like those bullshit pies Gamzee makes from the sopour? And what makes you think drinking Rose’s home brand is a good idea, I’ve seen her after a bottle of that stuff, it’s highly unpleasant.” You wince at the idea really, it was funny hearing her slur through most of her usually articulate vocabulary, but it got old fast.

“I thought Faygo was the troll weakness?” he ignores your concerns.

“Eugh, no, Gamzee is a special headcase in this area, that swill is just gross, rots your spongeclots sure but it’s not like your human alcohol.”

“Well I think this will be an enlightening experience, I’ll admit I’ve never tried it before, but if it’s here why not give it a taste?” he pushes a bottle into your chest forcing you to hold it and grabs another for himself. “Bottoms up?”

“No Dave, how do you know this isn’t like those slime pies and once you’re addicted you’ll go insane from withdrawals, there’s walking proof on this rock somewhere.”

He puts a hand to your shoulder, “bro, chill. I’ve seen Rose drink this shit a dozen times, it’s not going to make you shit hive crazy. Just a sip?”

You sigh and take a swig with an unenthusiastic grimace. It had a punch to it, but there was a sweet taste to it too, you lick your lips over and over, trying to get a better taste. It was a damn site better than you thought, and it doesn’t take you long to be slouched on the sofa with your third bottle in hand and Dave sprawled on the floor in a similar state.

“Dave, why don’t you ever remove those shitty spectacle?” you groan at him, not really caring a whole lot, but the elixir tells you otherwise.

“It’s my thing, you know. You got the blood shit –I got the shades. You’re shouty mc nubbster and I’m the #1 coolkid,” a lazy hand drags through his hair, scruffing it up to one side; it looked ridiculous.

“I don’t yell all the time,” you sort of talk into your bottle, hesitant to drink so you keep it close to your mouth in-case you need a quick sip.

“Hey, are you drunk already?” he scoots closer to you and rests an elbow on your knee, propping his head up so he can smirk up at you.

“No,” you face away from him, trying to hide under your fringe, you don’t know why you felt embarrassed but you weren’t about to let him see.

“Even if you’re not, this is pretty sweet,” his smirk had softened to a slightly more genuine looking smile now.

“What is?”

“This, jus’ hangin’ out and gettin’ a feels jam rollin’,” he shrugs lopsidedly at you.

“A feels jam? Dave, if it wasn’t for your poker face half the time I’d say you were the drunk one,” you look down at him fondly, he has this intense look about him despite not being able to see much through the shades –you were getting better at reading him.

He began to sit up straighter and you start to ask what he’s doing, but before you know it he’s leaned into you and kissed you right on the lips. Too surprised to react you just freeze up and take an iron grip on the bottle in your hand, but he yanks away, swearing on your lips before he pulls away entirely. “Shit, shit, fucking hell I can’t believe –oh my –fuck. Sorry, I’m –oh man, just sorry Kar, I cannot _believe…_ I just did that,” it was like he had turrets with the way he let his yammering tongue run its mile.

You grab his hand before he’s crumpled in a heap in front of you, sinking under the couch, trying to hide away. “Dave, Dave look at me. _Dave for fucks sake,”_ you try to snap him from the tirade, he stops shrinking into himself and has his forehead pressed up between your knee and the sofa, still mumbling under his breath.

You force a hand under his chin to get him to face you, even with those round black obstructions. “Dave, it’s ok.”

“No, this is stupid,” he rolls his empty bottle away from himself, he would be watching it if it wasn’t for your persistence on keeping his eyes on you.

You get off the sofa and slouch next to him on the floor, not letting your hand break contact with him the whole time. “Hey, look at me,” he collapses into you making for a very augmented hug, but a hug nonetheless. You pat him on the back and he just keeps repeating how sorry he was. Little did he know you’d imagined this sort of situation a hundred times over –of course nothing ever happens the way you expect.

He sits up again and pinches his nose like he has a headache. “This is so uncool, way too much PDA for one day.” And it was as if he never broke composure, he wobbled to his feet and started walking away but you were sitting on part of his cape and he fell backwards onto you and the sofa. “Oof, shit.”

You raise an eyebrow at his disheveled state, “maybe you need a hand?”

He swatted you away and tried to stand again, wobbling even more than the first time. You catch him under his shoulder, feeling your own legs turning to jelly, what the fuck was in Rose’s filth? “I think you ought to go to bed, Dave.” He tries to protest against you but the words get swallowed up and he nods simply.

You stumble ever so gracefully over to the transportalizer and make your way down the hallway to his respiteblock. He flops onto his bed and sighs heavily, “I’m sorry Karkat-“

“Dave shut up,” you sit next to him on the bed and hold your head between your hands, holy shit when did the room start spinning? “Just go to sleep.”

“Well what’re you doing sittin’ here wit’ me,” he sounded as bad as you felt.

You growl at him, “because I’m exhausted, I knew this was a bad idea, I don’t think I can even walk. This won’t paralyze me will it!?”

“Dude, no,” he half-heartedly pats you on the back and starts curling up on the bed behind you.

“I’m not letting you sleep with all your clothes on dude, at least take your shoes off,” you complain.

“Ugh, fine.” He kicks off his shoes and socks, unhooks his cape and takes off his trousers. He scooted over, facing the wall the bed sat up against with only his boxers and shirt on.

“You don’t mind if I take five minutes for a sit down before I leave?” you ask, although you’d stay whether he approves or not.

“Sure, lie down if you must,” he half yawned, and you’re pretty sure he falls asleep straight away.

You lay back and stare at the ceiling. You’d also imagined this a few more times than you’d like to admit, but again, it is nothing like how you’d imagined. You hate this.

The throbbing in your head got worse so you stayed longer, everything began to feel heavier, and you could barely move you told yourself as an excuse, soon enough you were reluctantly giving into sleep.

 

==> Be Dave

Bleary eyed you try to blink awake to no avail; you scrunch your hands into the soft material of the pillow you were hugging and yawned. Your shades, by some juggalo miracle, were still on your face, forming indents under your temples; you drag them off lazily and throw them at your bedside table with little care.

Trying not to let yourself fall asleep again you rub at your eyes, that’s when you notice your pillow was moving, no, breathing. What the fuck. You glance down and can’t believe you didn’t notice the mop of black hair before; you stare for a long while, not really believing your eyes. Maybe it was Rose’s concoction of bastardised alcohol still wearing on you, yeah it must be. And still you’d only entertained the thought of hugging Karkat only a few times more than kissing him, which you try to dismiss as much as possible. And _oh fuck_ , you _kissed_ him last night, you did that, Dave fucking Strider, then you practically had a meltdown. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion, yet not slow enough for you to stop kissing him, you vowel there and then you won’t touch Rose’s stash again, fuck that wicked elixir, it rots your think pan.

You’re staring at Karkat in a bit of a panic, do you wake him up, how long had he been there, did _he_ cuddle you or did you cuddle _him_? This was stupid; you decide to wait for him to wake up before you get into the whole thing. You find yourself absent-mindedly running a hand through his thick black hair, making sure not to pull through any knots and waking him. You realise this was the closest you’d been to someone in a long time, anyone actually, you’d already been on the meteor for a year and nothing ever really bloomed between you and Terezi. This though, cuddles? This was new to you. Looking at him now, so peaceful, nothing like the irritable troll you associated him to be, it was a nice change. Although you knew it would only last a second.

He started to stir and stretch out, in the midst of this you realized you didn’t have your aviators on and had a small heart attack, fumbling over the bedside table to grab them.

“Oh fuck no,” you heard him mumble just as you got your glasses back on. “Shit,” he looked up at you from his snug spot half on your chest half under chin. You’re hand was still in his hair and the other draped over him.

“Sup. Wanna explain why you’re in my bed?” you swear you could actually see the blood draining from his face –he looked mortified.

“Well, uh, I don’t even remember to be honest…” he started to shrink down, clutching you, then realising what he was doing and getting even more startled.

You stop him before the flailing started; he was in worse shape than you waking up. “Dude, cool it, I’m not pissed. I’m fucking hung over though, and I think you are too.”

“What does that even mean?” He winces and presses a hand to his forehead.

“That headache you’re feeling, and the shitty taste in your mouth, and don’t forget the way your muscles are aching, _that_ is a hangover. Now if you’d be so kind as to get the fuck off me, I want to get up,” you remove your hands, as much as you don’t want to and wait for him to move.

He scrambles to sit up and sits on the end of the bed while you peel yourself from the covers tangled around you from sleep. He watches as you cross the room and find something else to wear other than your godtier pajamas, you start to pull off the rest of your clothes and still feel the sense of someone watching. You change into your usual broken record shirt and black jeans, you really hope he didn’t watch you change underwear… that would be weird. But when you look back his back is turned and he was picking at the sleeves of his sweater. “Did you just watch me change?”

“No, I’m not one of your so called peeping toms, whoever that guy is, could have warned me though before I had to bare the pale moon for a second.”

“So you did,” you were teasing him but there was nothing more fun than pulling Karkat’s leg and watching him try to suppress the embarrassment.

He pushed off the bed and walked past you. “You know what, I’m leaving.”

“What, dude no, I’m just teasing, don’t be so up tight all the time.”

He gives you a pointed glare and starts throwing his hands in the air. “Well I wasn’t supposed to stay anyway, and if it wasn’t awkward enough waking up next to you, you go and drop your pants in front of me. I gotta say that’s sounding a little too forward, don’t you?” He picked up bravado half way through and took a step toward you, trying to reassert himself.

“Says the guy who cuddled up to me in the middle of the night.” You were at a loss here, _you_ wanted to get drunk, _you_ needed help walking to bed, and _you_ kissed him, he had all the ammo.

“Says the truculent throb stalk who kissed me and acts like nothing even happened.” He said it with a scary kind of steady anger, you expected him to yell, to slap you, anything, but he just turns on his heel and storms off leaving the door wide open. You don’t chase him you don’t move; you just hope to god you didn’t just lose your best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

==>Be Dave

It takes a long while till you work up the courage to talk to Karkat again, you don’t talk for nearly 2 days, but who was keeping the time, even if you were supposed to be the god of it.

Rose notices your drop in mood and Kanaya relates Karkat’s lack of motivation, you try to palm off the blame, act like Terezi or that mad juggalo troll was the problem, but Rose knew you too well to believe that.

“Dave, unless you managed to find yourself in the middle of shark week and you two managed to sync up I doubt that is the problem,” she looked too interested, like she was only in it for the psychobabble.

“I don’t know Rose, maybe I want a private moment,” you groan.

“You wouldn’t be sitting in the common room if you did,” she pointed out.

“Maybe I don’t want to wallow in my room or bring down the Mayor’s cheery time in Can Town, and those labs are creepy as fuck. So, common area, here I am.” As much as all that was true, you’d hoped to find Karkat here or at least wait for him to turn up.

And low and behold the grumpy fuck transportalized in that very moment.

You catch each other’s glances and quickly turn your head away; not wanting to acknowledge either was in the room.

Rose looked between you and found a new button to push. “Oh, of course, you two have had an argument. Lovers quarrel? Must be given your state these last few days.”

“Do I look like I’m romantically involved with that peanut?” you bite back at Rose.

“Well yes, don’t think I don’t notice. Also, was it you who littered the couch in bottles or should I find the Mayor and convince him the wicked ways of the elixir are not of his palette?”

You sigh heavily. “Rose, forget it.” You push up from the seat you had at the table and stride over to brew a coffee.

Karkat was having a very hushed talk with Kanaya on the other side of the room, you didn’t catch it but he must have asked them to leave because Kanaya started dragging Rose over to the transportalizer with the lamest of excuses.

Karkat pottered around in the corner with one of his troll romance bookshelves while you stayed by the coffee machine as if nothing were happening. He gets crabbier and huffier before finally throwing a book to the ground and yelling out. “I fucking hate you.”

You lean back on the counter with the machine and sip slowly, not planning to break your cool to have another shitty argument.

“Did you get grub sauce caught in your auricular sponge clots since we last spoke? Or maybe you just misplaced your gift-of-gab badge from your dorky god-sash. Why won’t you fucking talk to me?” he yelled at you, crossing the room to stand only a meter away, clenching and unclenching fists with a piercing glare.

You put your half drunken coffee on the counter and cross you arms. “What do you want me to say, sorry I kissed your sweet ass?”

“I want you to tell me there’s some plausible way you actually meant it,” he got quiet for a moment, hesitant to speak again and uneasy waiting for a response.

You look down at the floor and wonder how much you should tell him, if at all, fuck this was awkward. “Why does this matter to you?” you ask in all seriousness.

“ _To me?_ Oh now you take my feelings into consideration,” he scoffed. “I didn’t know you had the heart for it, Dave. Did you ever think through all the innuendoes that there was some truth behind them, because Lalonde fucking did and she isn’t even there half the time.”

His eyes flashed with red when he was angry, the pigment was faint and only just developing but it always caught you off guard in moments like these.

You swallow and try again. “I never thought-“

He slapped you right across the face, sending your shades flying and scratching your cheek with his nails as they passed. There was no time to react and frankly you couldn’t care less about the shades now.

His eyes widened as they met your vibrant red ones, but he didn’t let it distract him. “Yes you didn’t think. I can’t believe I waste my time on your truculent taintchafing ass, Dave; you are the man who has it all,” he spat.

You press off the counter and shove into him, making him stagger backwards. “Why didn’t you try talking to me, huh? Where’s your responsibility in all this, you can’t come walking in just to yell at my face and not expect a response.” You point at his chest and jab him in the sternum. He doesn’t know how to react and just stumbles over himself. “And why are you making this out to sound like you put your heart on the line, I’m the one who up and fucking kissed you, and I damn well regret it now. You’re just a scrawny troll made out of nothing but anger and that mutant cancer you carry in your veins.” He couldn’t keep up with you and tripped to the ground, but you still followed him, hunching over, as your voice grew louder.

His anger dwindled and a hand came up to protect his face as he fell, a wounded expression replacing the snarl. He started to scurry away but you caught his arm and he stopped cold, fear in his eyes. You realise how much you’d lost composure, you’d never been this openly angry with someone before –it even scared you now. “Karkat… shit,” all the fury in your voice was gone, and your eyes widen, seeing how much you’d hurt him, this was worse than making any physical blow.

He was too shaken to answer and trembled under you. “Karkat I’m sorry,” you almost reach out to hug him but he flinches away. “I… I’ve liked you for a long time now, and I noticed you did too, I just… I don’t know I’ve never done this before.” It was the lamest confession and you could have done with biting the bullet earlier and just spitting it out instead of terrifying your best friend into a frenzy.

He relaxed a little and looked into your eyes for the genuine truth, but you didn’t look at him, you couldn’t.

He cups your cheek in one shaky hand, “I’m sorry too,” he murmurs. You put a hand over his to steady it and meet his gaze with a very small smile.

“I don’t ever want to fight like this again,” you hoist yourself up and help him do the same, keeping his hands in yours as a reassurance, whether to yourself or him you don’t know.

He was looking up into your eyes with this curious expression, you realise suddenly that your shades are somewhere across the room and you stiffen. “I could have guessed your eyes were red Dave, but seeing them now kind of blows me away, they’re not just red they’re…” He reached up to brush the hair out of your face, you’re not sure he was completely conscious of his actions.

You turn away though and make a half-hearted effort to look for your shades. “Yeah, they’re red, cool, lets not stare all day, alright dude?”

“Don’t give me that shit, you know about my mutant blood, and it seems I wouldn’t be able to hide that for much longer with the way my eyes are changing,” he grumbles. “Do you think I’m incapable of having some empathy for you, red is my area of expertise.”

“Pfft, can we just not talk about this right now, I would have shown you when I was ready but someone had to go and back hand me, oh!” you found them by the coffee machine and put them on, picking up your coffee at the same time; it was getting tepid but still drinkable. “Well I’m going to make like a tree and leave, I need some me time I think,” you swoop your cape around as you turn on your heel and head for the transportalizer, Karkat doesn’t protest, he doesn’t say anything really. You really hope this hasn’t put a hole between the two of you.

 

Back in your room you sit on your bed thoughtfully, holding your shades in your hands staring at the floor trying to recap what had happened. Sighing, you fall back flat on the bed and toss the glasses onto your nightstand, covering your face with both hands and groaning. “So _stupid._ I can’t believe I said all those things… I’m such an idiot.” You couldn’t bare your own company so you searched for the Mayor to at least alleviate this loneliness and wallowing self-pity. Surprisingly he wasn’t alone when you did find the carapacian man, Terezi was wildly drawing with her chalk, dust covering her arms and some smattered around her mouth, probably having a good bite of a couple.

“Sup,” you hover behind her to see what she’s drawing now.

“Well hello Dave, what brings you to these parts of town?” she asks without looking up.

“Not much, just feelin’ like jamming with the Mayor, give him a taste of some new beats that will have him shuffling for days. And maybe to get my creative juices flowing, haven’t made a SbahJ comic in what feels like a century, I was thinkin’ Davesprite all flies in like the piece of fucking garbage he is and swoops hella jeff high off his god damn horse to the sun like some fuckin’ Icarus bullshit.”

“Riiight. And what is an Icarus?”

“Oh, some dudes son who got himself killed because he flew too close to the sun or whatever.”

“Mhmm…”

You see now Terezi is drawing the most crude looking horse, but it still manages to depict how majestic it is with that long flowing mane beating in the wind.

You sit down next to her quietly for a moment, just watching her drawing and turning your thoughts inward, she soon snaps you out of that to your relief. “So… are you going to draw that or just stare at me? I can’t complain, this is an artistic marvel anyone would be jealous of, even the Mayor.”

“Huh? Uh, yeah, not just yet,” you sort of mumble at her, not giving the conversation much dedication.

“Dave, what the fuck is up with you, you’ve been weird since you walked in here?” she pushes, though she’s not wrong.

You shuffle on the spot and try to avoid answering but find she might be the best person to talk to about this, seeing as she’s known Karkat far longer. “I’ve upset Karkat, and I’ve already apologised but I still feel like a wretched piece of shit inside.”

“Hah, don’t worry about him, he gets his horns tied up all the time.”

“No, this is different… It’s really personal this time.”

She stops drawing to glance up at you and gauge your expression better. “Oh, not having trouble in that human paradise of yours, are you?” she almost started laughing but suppressed it, still managing to snicker at you.

“Well shit, Terezi, if you’re going to be like that then never mind.”

You start to leave but she apologises. “Dave, it is just what he’s like. He gets himself all riled up and angry, then he gets moody, ugh that is the worst. It’s better to avoid him in my opinion, leave shoutty mcnubs to it, he’ll blow off steam eventually.”

“Yeah that’d be great, except I’m the one who got hot headed and actually started yelling at him and now it’s all I can think about. I said some mean shit, Terezi.”

“You’re not trying to blackrom him are you?” she raises an eyebrow at you over her glasses.

“Fuck no. I don’t think I’m even, what was it, redrom? How the fuck do you romance someone who has 4 different perspectives on relationships when you’ve hardly experienced one of the regular human romancings.”

“I don’t think that’s a word, Dave, and you know it isn’t either. If it’s eating you up that badly just talk to him, he’s damn good at talking his shit out if he does have a problem, you’re the one internalising after all.” She sighs at you like its no hard task and returns to the drawing.

Frowning to yourself you still disagree, but heed to her word even if you won’t follow through with it till tomorrow.

 

==> Be Karkat

You sigh heavily and drop yourself on the lounge occupying the common room, it had been a whole earth day and you couldn’t find Dave. You wanted to be angry but couldn’t muster anything, you just felt nervous about seeing him again after having so much blown open from before. Should you bother waiting for his slow ass to come to you or sprout some god damn self-confidence and find the idiot yourself.

But you still sat there, staring at the floor like a piece of wretched fucking garbage, figuring out the right words to use, or if you should keep running away from this, it was harder to admit how much you liked Dave than you’d thought. There’s a hell of a lot of embarrassing evidence to that, and you are determined to keep that under lock and key, least Rose goes snooping, she’ll get a ram rod straight through her nugbone.

Peeling away from the couch you consider returning to your respiteblock, it was going to be another quiet day, you could feel it, except that as you stood on the transportalizer none other than Dave fucking Strider himself appearified in front of you and knocked you both down.

“Watch it, shit stain.” You grumble under breath. He groans and gets up to give you a hand. Indecisive of how angry you were with him now you ignored the gesture and got up yourself, turning on a heel to do anything but be near him.

“Karkat, I wanna talk to you.”

You turn suddenly and approach him again, raising your voice more and more as your blood boiled. “Oh, now you want to talk, how much longer are we going to ignore each other on this puny meteor, I can’t fucking stand the long unending silences between us Strider, its driving me shithive crazy. Thank goodness you’ve built up the courage to crawl up to me and finally have a heart to heart, but it took too fucking long and that window of opportunity has collided with my fist, because it is broken permanently now. So fuck you Dave, we’re supposed to talk about this, not wander aimlessly around a hulking rock of nothing, and whine to someone else about our stupid problems we’re too weak to own up to and deal with ourselves.”

“Ouch… yeah man, I’m sorry I didn’t realise it was eating you up so much.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously; leaning on the table managing to still look relaxed and not worried at all. No matter how angry he got you preferred actually being able to see his face without those god-awful shades perched on his nub of a sniffnode.

“You should be fucking sorry, and maybe I’m to blame for just as much of the radio silence, I could have messaged you or something, but I was a little preoccupied with what ever the fuck happened before.” You stare at him, feeling the red ring around your iris flash with the intensity of your stare. You were short of breath and he was barely raising a finger, why was he so fucking quiet and relaxed? He was always so calm, even in the face of danger and it angered you to see that, you envied him for it sometimes.

He pushes away from the table and takes a step toward you, removing his shades and tucking them into the shirt of his godtier pyjamas. Your breath catches and you’re frozen on the spot. “I regret what I did Karkat, I didn’t mean what I said, and I shouldn’t have ridiculed you in order to take some of the blame away from myself, I avoided you because I didn’t want to admit that.” He wasn’t looking at you, his eyes were firmly focused on the ground in front of him, but it was important to you that he willingly took off his spectacles this time, he was being as honest as possible with you now, or at least trying his best.

“But you were right, I am nothing, and this disgusting candy red blood I carry is a constant remind of that. I thought we were getting somewhere before, but we’re not are we? This isn’t going to work…”

He glances up quickly and those red eyes catch you, he’s closer but you don’t remember him moving, you feel so small next to him even though you’re barely shorter.

“This is stupid,” he says under his breath. “Karkat, I won’t ever let you feel like that again, especially because of me,” his eyes bore down on you and you had trouble trying to form words. You find yourself leaning into him instead, resting your head on his chest and he hugs you back softly, burying his face in your mess of black hair. You breathe in his scent and all you can think, feel and see is Dave.

It’s a long time before he pulls away, kissing you lightly on the forehead as he takes a step back, but you grab him by the face and pull him back into you for a full on kiss, mashing your noses together and nearly getting head-butted. But you don’t care, ever since he kissed you, ever since you woke up in the wrong respiteblock you’ve wanted to kiss him again, and this time it was real; he’s kissing you back and its not sloppy and drunken, it’s soft and patient, warming and honest.

His forehead is resting on yours and he pants from breathlessness with a small smile curling his lips. “Woah.”

“Sorry,” it felt awkward now the intimacy was over so quickly, you wonder if you shouldn’t have but push the thought out right away, you don't regret it.

“Don’t be,” he laughs softly. “Damn I’m gonna need a minute.” He takes a couple steps back with a palm to his forehead, looking vacant in thought.

His lack of answers were starting to get to you, was it a _good_ thing you actually took shit into your own grubby hands for once and did something, despite the pristine cool kid believing he was capable of so much on his own. You fiddle with your hands and waited impatiently for him to ‘gather his thoughts’. “Are you quite done yet, because I’m starting to rapidly decompose, my hair is receding as my pours close up in the most wrinkled and aged fashion, Dave. Do you want me to shrivel up like a cold dead leaf on the spot here?”

“Geez dude, can’t a guy have the moment to consider what his feelings are for the most galling of his companions? But alright, I’ll give it to you straight; given how baller that kiss was, I was wondering what I should do with that choice piece o’ ass you got there. And I was thinkin’, that I like this shit,” he smirks at you, sweeping his eyes from the top to the bottom of you with an eyebrow raised, how could he anger you so, and yet he manages to captivate you in the same motion.

“Dave, you induce almost constant tremors to my think pan, I don’t know how I even put up with your shit sometimes. But if what you’re trying to say is that you reciprocate in some manner, then I can accept that.”

“Cool, so do you want to watch a movie or some shit, ‘cause I’m really feeling like some real old crap from Adam Sandler, like The Wedding Singer or something.”

“Wait really, so it’s ok?”

“Absolutely. Now movie? ‘cause you obviously need some time to calm down”

You resign to the idea and try to brush it off like he had, but you also hope that this wasn’t some way for him to get out of actually giving you a straight answer, he could be incredibly hard to crack even when under so much pressure. He drops himself on the red couch, practically taking up the whole seat; you lift his feet and sit on the other side, resting them on your lap while he skims the husktop for something to watch. Surprisingly he chose the troll version of The Wedding Singer to your delight and it draws you in almost instantly.

Given how much you fidget and how little Dave seemed to care about his personal space you were all over him in a mess of legs, he pauses the movie at this point, but it was right when Linda was ripping troll Adam Sandler’s heart out, wait, Robbie’s heart out. “Dave, what the fuck, this scene is full of high tension and suspense, you can’t just fucking stop it for your own farcical idea of a dramatic pause.”

“I was going to suggest that you could sit more comfortably next to me, or should I have prattled all over this theatrical marvel for you?”

“Oh… could have still waited for a better time to—“ He jerks your shoulder down and has you fall next to him on the couch, you lay side by side across the length of the red sofa, except that you were facing him and not the husktop. “Good work Dave,” your words dripping with sarcasm. “Also, can we even fit hear?” You wriggle around until you’re facing the husktop again.

“Yeah, like this,” he brings an arm around your waist to hold you closer to him, your back flushed to his chest, your insides churned and every part of you stiffened. How were you able to kiss the loaf but hardly handle sitting next to him, or better yet _cuddling._

He continues the movie as you try to calculate how long you’ll be sitting like this, your posture pole feeling like a wet towel getting ringed out. It took too long for you to relax and get back into the ridiculous love story that the Wedding Singer threads, but in the back of your head all you could think about was Dave, how he felt sitting here with you, if he was even bothering to pay attention to the movie, and whether his mind was wandering much like your own. You hadn’t been this close to many people before, it was nerve-wracking and extremely distracting, his all encompassing warmth was another thing, the guy ran like a boiler on full blast, even his breathing was warm on the back of your neck. As you lost track of the movie and became more concerned with your inner feelings you sat up suddenly, unable to bare the intensity any longer and pulled his arm back that lay over you, though he didn’t seem to flinch or move with you. “Dave… Dave, are you fucking sleeping?” you say incredulously. He was out cold, how did you not notice that he’d fallen asleep next to you? And all that time he wasn’t doing anything, the sack of potatoes just lay there in his own world of dumb wonder. You poke at him to wake up, he stirs and mumbles to himself. “Strider, wake the fuck up,” you say loudly. His face scrunches up and he looks at you from the corner of his eye.

“Man, I was getting the sickest shut eye,” he groaned.

“Well I hope you found somewhere else in the dream bubbles to watch Adam Sandler’s gaunt face because I’m about to fucking leave your comatose ass.”

“Karkat don’t, I’m always up for Sandler’s heart to get run over by a rally of monster trucks but I was fading hard. I’ve seen his poor excuse of acting too many times now.”

“But you haven’t seen the troll version before, have you? There are considerable differences between your human earth version and this theatrical monster that must be noted.”

“Whatever, can we just finish it now,” he sighed in his sleepy voice, patting your shoulder for you to lay back with him. You roll your eyes and oblige, you had no idea he could get so cuddly in his sleep, it was him who hugged you in the middle of the night that time. You sit out the last 20 minutes, making sure he was actually awake now, but even you found it hard to concentrate with his arm around you like a bower constrictor now, it was what you imagined being hugged by an earth koala would feel like.

As the credits rolled you shifted back so you were facing him, his red eyes met yours with startling clarity, you were close to getting up and leaving out of awkward strain but forced yourself to stay. “What did you think of the troll version? the struggles of one stuck between past matespritships and the endeavor of new ones are at fear of being ruined at the abound of their new kismestitude, threatening the hierarchy of caste between such lovers, only to be won back by the compassionate heart of a singer.”

“I dunno, I got a little lost in the middle there and I don’t exactly understand your kissme shit,” she shrugged.

“Ugh, that’s because you made a fucking siesta in the middle of all this and had the chance for some precious and highly unbeautified rest in the land of nod for fucking imbeciles, not unlike yourself.”

“Ok, ok, to make you shut up, I’ll tell you what I thought about it, or at least the bits I remember. Also take note that as much as I enjoy Adam Sandler’s distasteful face, I have not seen the original ‘earth version’. As far as I could understand, he wanted to woo some rad chick he met in the middle of a wedding, but a past lover now kissameet decided she wanted none of that and butt fucked the competition out the window. So now troll Sandler is crying tears of, what fucking colour were they? midnight blue or some shit, are your tears the same colour as your blood or something? Wait, was he crying blood?”

“Oh my fucking god, yes, but _no_. Just never mind, I don’t know why I was expecting an intelligent response from you,” You huff and rolled your eyes at him.

“No, no, I was getting somewhere dude. So then our sorry excuse for a lead role gets his fucking ass clocked into next week, did that have any romantic attachments or is that normal bullying on Alternia? Whatever, then uh, he goes to LA? Probably to get some new sweet ass ‘cause he lucked out so badly on the last two, but then he sees hottie #1 and suddenly we’re having the coolest in-flight concert ever, which only ensues the biggest celeb show down in history I could only dream of happening in a production of SbahJ. Yadda yadda, they kiss, happy ending, kinda got boring again there.”

“Way to pull that out of your ass, and the chronology is all wrong, but I guess you got the gist of it? Like it matters.”

“So I passed?” he’s wriggling his eyebrows at you and the urge to punch him rises.

“Well I can’t believe I let you subject my sponge clots to that drivel coming out of your lackluster chagrin tunnel, but yeah I guess,” you struggle to get up now that you felt uncomfortably hot and his face was so close it was disconcerting. “You’re not going to let me leave, are you?” you scowl at him.

“Not unless you want to,” he smiles at you and it just makes you more uncomfortable, let alone the deep tones in his voice, god you hated feeling weak in moments like this, but it was just the two of you, which only extenuated how vulnerable you felt.

“Well then, may I go your highness of shitlord tower?”

“Alright, but only if you agree to do this again tomorrow?”

Rolling your eyes at him you groan, “and why should I be interested in that, what’s your selling factor Strider?”

“Obviously I’m completely irresistible, plus, you know you want me,” and for one god awful second he actually winked at you.

At that moment the hand on your back comes up to stroke through your hair and it send shivers down your torso pillar and a heated red blush to your grey cheeks. “Shit, um, yeah.” You scramble up from the couch and brush out the creases in your shirt. “Catch you tomorrow then, I’ll uh, be in my respiteblock...”

You don’t wait for an answer, stiffly walking away from him, trying to steady your breathing. “Catch you on the flipside bro,” he calls back. Good heavens what were you ever going to do with yourself, this was already embarrassing enough as it is.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Kanaya's relationship get more of a feature in this chapter, hopefully I can make more development there. Plus I love the small moments shared between Dave and Kanaya so I really wanted to write that here.

==> Be Dave

One morning you hear the most innumerable knocking –no banging, on your door. Groaning, you struggle out of bed and find a clean shirt to put on to answer, all the while still in your record boxers. “Alright, alright I’m coming, no need to blow the motherfucker off its hinges.” With sleep in your eyes and shades on you didn’t have much of a chance at recognising who might be there, but to no surprise its Karkat, who rams his way through you and the doorway after barely a half turn of the knob on your part. “Shit dude, what do you want this early in the morning.”

He slams a gigantic tome on your bed and turns to you with hands on his hips. “You are going to learn a thing or two about Quadrants, seeing as you’re so abysmal on the subject I can’t even begin to fathom a future in which you will understand this on your own, I never thought someone could be so dense with this shit, but I am here to guide you through these incandescent loops of proficiency.”

“Can you not yell so much, I just fucking woke up, how in gods flaming inferno are you so awake right now?” You massage your temples and resist the urge to tackle him out of the room, if it weren’t for the fact that you were so tired right now.

“Dave, this is a subject I intend to tutor you with in great detail and expect full seriousness from both sides, do not misconstrue my lecture as some bullshit ass way of lengthening your patience. I have the confidence that you will take this like a well-deserved spoonful of your earth cereal, and grasp the understandings of such concepts I will surmise to you.”

“Ok, that’s great and all, but could I just get one more hour of sleep, because it’s becoming plainly obvious you don’t believe in the shit.” You push past him to sit on the bed with a heavy sigh, this was not your day, couldn’t he be passive for one minute? You either got the placid and slightly nervous Karkat, or an ill-contented screaming banshee hell bound on emptying his windpipes on the nearest civilian.

“No, I read that your human pans work far more efficiently at earlier hours in in the morning, so if you’d like to drag your gargantuan meat loaf off the snuggleplane, I will be needing your full attention.” He begins pulling you by the ankle to get you off, but you refuse openly and clamber back onto the ‘snuggleplane’. “Fuck off, I’m not listening to shit about your romance garbage.” You’re practically on the floor at this point, holding onto the edge of the bed frame refusing to look at him.

“Now you are being a petulant grub about this Dave, I thought you were more than a wimpy cluckbeast when it came to long winded rambles.” He stopped pulling but didn’t let go of you yet.

“Don’t call me a fucking cluckbeast. And I welcome a good beat down I’ll have you know, but this is so beneath me, I’ve heard enough of your blither on it already.”

“Dave, you could give it a mother fucking chance… please.” You turn over and meet his eyes, his features had softened and it almost looked like he’d admitted defeat, he used ‘the magic word’ for gods sake. But you couldn’t say no now, it was fun winding him up more than anything, and it was obvious you weren’t getting anymore sleep even if he didn’t want to lecture you.

“Fine, but please take it easy, I do not need you shoving it down my throat.”

“Jesus Christ Dave, I’m not being that forward, and I thought I was being brash.” You roll your eyes at him and sit on the bed, wondering how quickly you could get this over with.

He’s next to you, reading out the immense book aloud as it’s all in Alternian gibberish to you. Getting lost a couple times he manages to explain it in some manner, which still flies over your head but in a less flippant aerobic fashion.

“Ok, so basically kismess is like a rivalry but also some fucked up romance on the side?”

“Yes and no Dave, see you’re confusing the concupiscent intentions to both translate in a loving manner, it’s not exactly hate sex, and is certainly never intended as abusive, but it is considerably more harmful than redrom in its nature, only without intention to kill.”

“Right, and how does an ausfish come into all this?” you knew you were getting it wrong but it was too funny not to slip up when Karkat made a face of pure anguish each time.

“An _Auspitice_ is necessary to quell some of this rage, as things can escalate in such relations, without auspistices, widespread black infidelity is certain. I don’t expect to see you in any blackrom situations as you’re far too dulcet in your moods at times, despite how much of a pain in the spinal crevice you can be,” he groaned.

“I am totally capable of being the biggest dickwad that ever toiled this stupid meteor. If John can induce black feelings from you I doubt I’m that far off on your list.”

He blushed furiously at this. “NO, WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS. We’re done, ok, moving on to redromance! Now the pale quadrant is like what you’d call your human friendship, but probably stronger than that, but still remaining platonic-“

“Dude, you can be ridiculously cute sometimes. Look at you all clamming up and blabbing away like some god damned wind up toy.”

“What did I just fucking say? _Anyway,_ moiraillegience is more than just close on ground level, they have it in their best interest to be the best of bros to their moirail, taking their deepest of concerns to heart and acting like somewhat of a guardian to them, this can take different forms depending on the nature of ones relationship and personality –Dave what the ever loving shit are you doing?” You’d started patting him on the shoulder, gradually moving up to pap him on the head and stroke half way down his arm several times.

“Isn’t this how it works?” you cock an eyebrow and smile from the corner of your mouth.

“Unngnghh,” he growls incoherently and slams the book shut, you’re half worried he’d chuck it at you, but realise his noodle arms may never manage to lift the thing above his head anyway. “Fucking hell Dave, I thought you’d be interested in this?”

“I am, but don’t you think an actual feels jam would be a far more appropriate replacement for a lecture by book. I feel like I’m in fucking primary school, why not tell me your opinion on it and I can relate humans to it or whatever.”

“You know what, fine, fuck the book. I’ll let you work it out for yourself, because you won’t be entering any quadrants in the next 1.38 sweeps anyway, so why would you need this bullshit in the first place.” He crosses his arms and angles his body away from you in a huff, this seemed like a situation for a palemate if you wanted to be practical about it, but you weren’t that, you just wanted to be his bro, so you tackle him down to the bed and engage in fisticuffs.

“Dave, get the fuck off of me, why do you have to be such an insufferable prick all the time,” he flails at you and manages to fall off the bed while you still sit comfortably on it.

“Having a little trouble down there?” you snicker.

He growls at you and gets up, “you know what, I was wrong, maybe you are capable of a blackrom, as light as this may be.” His back is to you and you realise shit has gone too far this time and he was seconds away from storming out.

“I’m only teasing bro, sorry if that came across wrong or something, I was only having a little fun.” He didn’t budge and only got moodier, it was a small awkward silence before you decided to stand up and hug him from behind, to which he stiffened a moment then grabbed you by the wrists and threw your arms off.

“For fucks sake Dave, I have never had someone vacillate so rapidly, what the fuck do you want from me, a pale connection or to bait me with black? You’re right, this was a stupid idea, and you’re obviously not going to get it in a million years, so fuck it. Fuck you Dave, fuck you a hundred times over with a smuppets shoved up your rectum.” He stormed out and slammed the door behind him so hard it just swung back open, now you felt like a complete piece of garbage.

 ---

That went fucking smoothly, after getting fully dressed in your godtier pyjamas (because capes are cool ok), you start scouting out to find him and redeem yourself somehow, but he could have been anywhere, you checked the common room twice and passed through can town. You’d started practicing what to say under your breath when you hear a hushed mutter coming from an open door in the corridor you were on. Peaking your head around the corner you find Kanaya pacing back and forth speaking rapidly to no one in particular, it was something you were awfully familiar with but you knew Kanaya wasn’t much for monologues in the same nature as you.

“Hey Kan,” you say leaning on the doorframe.

She jumps at your entrance but continues pacing, “oh, hello Dave, what brings you here?”

“What’s with the mutters and grumbles, oh Maryam?” you return.

“Hmph, well that’s between Rose and I, although maybe you’ll be able to shed some light on her fascination with this alchemy business,” she spat the last bit.

“Why don’t you stop walking a trench into the ground and sit down then, huh, pacing gets you nowhere, only miles out into your own personalised mind hell, and it only gets worse from there.” She stops and nods, except that there are no seats in the room, only a stray table and colourful carpets strewn across the ground, you guide her to sit on top of the table next to each other and she lets out a long sigh.

“I don’t understand, she’s obviously not well in herself, the periods between when she is sensible and a garbling mess are getting closer and closer till there’s hardly a moment of clarity. It dulls everything about her and I do not know how she doesn’t see that, instead of engaging in regular repartee she just stutters over the simplest of conversations. It’s infuriating and I have told her time and time again that I do not believe that swill is any good for her on a nutritional ground or helping her mental development. Its getting worse Dave and I don’t know how to deal with this.” Her face fell to her palms as she tried to calm her breathing, you give her a friendly pat on the back to be reassuring by some means but you don’t even know what to say, you can’t really comfort her. You’ve never had experience with this, Rose was the one with the drunk mother, you just had some lame guy who had no right bringing you up, inviting you to have unfairly planned swordfights on the roof and fucked up ‘games’.

“Shit Kanaya, I hadn’t realised this was even happening I’ve been so caught up on my own problems. Have you tried confiscating it?”

She gave an empty sharp laugh, “hah, I’ve smashed bottles Dave, but she has hundreds of them all over this rock. Its useless…”

“Shit dude, I can always talk to her? Maybe she’s got some crap going on in that noggin of hers, she can be as cagey as I am. How can so much go wrong with only 7 of us on some creepy laboratory filled meteor.” She nodded with that but remained silent, probably deep in some self-analysis shit. “Hey Kan, don’t blame yourself with this, it’s Rose’s choice to make whatever shitty alcohol she wants till the cows come home, but it’s also her choice to back the fuck up and throw that mother fucking moonshine out.”

“I wasn’t blaming myself?”

“Yeah, but you were ‘bout to. I do this self-deprecating shit all the time, except Rose has taken it to a whole new level, and if she can’t see that it’s hurting her friends, then she needs some fuckin’ intervention. I will serve that shit up on a sparkling platter made of gold, gold crafted solely from the pimpest of grills only the slickest of rap gangsters would wear, Snoop Dogg himself wouldn’t know what just hit him. Well that was the pimp plate sir, and it’s gonna mother fuckin’ teach you a thing about imbibing the wicked elixirs that you don’t need to be getting yourself involved with.”

She laughed softly and gave you a small smile, “Dave, you always have a funny way of cheering me up somehow.”

“My mother fuckin’ pleasure, Maryam.”

“You don’t happen to have experience with moirallegiance before do you?”

“Oh fuck no, I am not getting into that. Fuck your quadrats, no offense, but seriously I am so over that shit.”

“Forget I ever asked then.”

“Actually no, do ask, I have no idea what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing with shouty pants when he’s running his cakehole about it all day.”

“Karkat hasn’t been forcing those trashy romance novels on you has he?”

“Not quite, but that’s pretty damn close, I’m sure he’s going to move on to extra curriculum material soon though. Or maybe not at all after the way I botched that bitch up.”

“Oh, not so good then. Have you been trying to enter a quadrant with him?”

“Fucked if I know,” you really didn’t want to talk about this, especially to the troll Karkat says is his current moirail, god forbid they compare notes on you. But you weren’t about to check out on Kanaya, you needed to talk to someone who wasn’t Karkat about it, and if Rose was sloshed then she wouldn’t provide anything useful for the time being as a relatable human on the matter.

“Dave, you need to calm down, what exactly happened?” her hand was on your shoulder, which did calm you a bit.

“I don’t actually know, he said some thing about vacillation and me blackrom baiting him, but I don’t even understand what those involve,” you shrug and rest your chin in your palms propped up by your knees.

“Hmm, you hit the same block Rose and I did, only a little sooner. Your human romance encompasses so much, and there are so many thin lines between what is right and wrong, there is an awful lot of deceit too. But I think Karkat is hoping to broaden your perspective at least, you’re both confusing each other’s signals for what it means in your own culture. I assume you’ve only managed to aggravate him in the only way you know how, which is commonly low-key flirting for humans, but perceived aggrievedly from him. And your vacillation is just his misunderstanding for the human concept, it switches between all the quadrants at once somehow, and I don’t know why one would want to do that, but it is not exactly uncommon for trolls, those do tend to be troublesome relationships though. I can always be there to Auspitice between you if need be?”

“Wow, uh, you said that so much better than him, also I don’t know how to feel about that auspit thing, it just sounds a little weird, like your being privy to our shit.”

“Actually it’s quite passive, it’s only to make sure one of you does not majorly harm the other and to prevent it from delving too deep. A simple conversation like this might help if you are not having a completely kismesis driven relationship.”

“Oh, well, maybe.” You lay back on the table, barely fitting but managing to keep your head on. “Kanaya, am I dating Karkat?”

“I assumed you were, what makes you think not?”

“Well shit, I don’t think I can do this…” you roll off the table and stand up to stretch, Kanaya stands with you.

“I wouldn’t give up so easily, what makes you think this won’t work?”

“Because he’s a fuckin’ moron, and I’m a lame excuse of a boyfriend if that’s where this is going. I’m already the biggest asshole there is, why does he waste his time on me.”

“I think Gamzee takes that trophy before you. You’re doing the exact opposite of what you just told me Dave; don’t start putting yourself down just because you can’t grasp a concept of love, he’ll learn just as much as you will. Don’t think Rose and I had it so easy, it took a long time for me to understand her even after I grew attached.”

You shrug at her and head for the door. “Thanks Kan, and I’ll find Rose for you too, don’t beat yourself up about it anymore, alright,” you nod at her and she nods back, like two cool bros who are the only ones in on the secret, but really you’re all a fucking mess.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favourite to write so far. Deffs more Rose chapters.  
> The next few chapters may be a little short, depends on my motivation some days, and I may mis-character Dave a little here as he doesn't especially care about Rose's drinking on the meteor but I want kids to be happy and dammit they will be!

==> Be Rose

You just finished another brew and fill the bottles accordingly, at this moment you were sober, or well you’ve had a couple sips from a stray bottle but you’ll be the judge of that. Kanaya was being moody with you again and your dealing mechanism was to hide away in a random lab and alchemize some wicked broth, except this was real alchemy, not the SBURB kind.

You knew Kanaya did not approve of such behavior, and you knew that this was spiraling down into a habitual cycle that one could only call ‘alcoholism,’ but it was one of the only ways you felt close to your mother again, after seeing what you believe to be her post-scratch self so briefly. It had just been twice now, and you knew the alcoholic brew would do no favors in seeing her again, but it was fun, you felt like you could relate to her for once. Beneath all those wizards and ponies you realised you liked these things too, maybe you could have a real conversation with her for once when you finally meet. But when you start to wallow on details like that you find yourself firmly parked in the ‘inebriated zone’. And with that you take another swig of the open bottle on the counter.

You hear angry scuffling outside the nearest door, distracting you from your business you peep out to see Karkat kicking the wall and mumbling profanities to himself. He’d worked himself up into a rather petulant display of what might be justified as frustration; he kicked and punched the wall with no intention to harm himself but to release tension, they were looking more like pats and half assed kicks that wouldn’t get a foot ball flying no further than 4 meters, even with a bounce in the middle.

“What’s got you so HIC riled up my angry man,” you hadn’t realised the hiccups were coming on so soon, maybe that was a sip too many.

You’d interrupted him just in time to stop him slamming his head into the wall, he jerked up to look at you in surprise. “Rose, uh, nothing, not like it’s your business anyway.”

“Riiiiight. And who pissed you off this time, was it your clown friend, I am impartial to him.”

“Gamzee? Wow, I haven’t seen him in a while now, nary a stray honk from the ventilation either.” He looked sadder now, you hoped you didn’t open old wounds, but at least he wasn’t struggling to beat up the wall now.

“Hey, c’mere. Stop trash-talking the wall and sit down a mo.” He follows you in and you return to filling the bottles from the bathtub you acquired for the sole purpose of following through with an old joke Dave made.

“What are you doing with that ablution trap, isn’t it for bathing in?”

“It’s a sort of cultural human joke between Dave and I, also its size is sort of perfect for this.” You fill 4 more bottles and set them aside, almost emptying the tub, but if you wanted more you’d need to alchemize more bottles. “So, tell me Karat –Karkat, what’s got you so heated?” This batch must be stronger than the last if you’re slipping already, but after trying to sip the bottle you had on hand you find its actually empty. _Whoops_.

“I honestly doubt you’d care Lalonde, but Dave is being a nookwhiffing asshole, like that changes anything, and I can’t fucking stand it any longer. I don’t know why I subject myself to his abhorrent odor, and shitty aloof I’m-too-good-for-this attitude.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Are you being sarcastic, Lalonde?”

“I’m actulally not sure.”

“Ugh, see you’re all the fucking same, why did I have to get stuck with your sorry lot. And Terezi is avoiding me as it is, everyone in the dream bubbles is fucking bitter about something ‘cause they’re all dead, I can’t even stand talking to a paradoxical version of myself, in fact I hate it more than my self-deprecating conversations that have me feeling black for myself by the end of it.”

“Are chu really feeling so sullen because of thish, not sayin you don’t blow your rocket on jush about anything, buuuut it is your specialalty Kark.” If this were a different day you’d be interrogating him about his affair with himself, but dark elixirs were soaking into your veins and there really wasn’t any time.

“I thought you were over drinking that shit, its worse than Gamzee’s fucking Faygo, I’ve had the god awful privilege of experiencing that to tell the difference, also thanks to Dave. Why the fuck do I put my trust in his hole riddled hands, its just gonna slip through them like fucking sand as usual.”

You shrug and find another bottle to drink that might be weaker than the last.

“I mean, he doesn’t even listen to me, all he wants is to hear the sound of his own precious voice projected back at him, I bet he’d wet himself if someone gave him a shoutamplifier to march around the meteor with.”

“You know, I don’t thitink that apple falls too far from the tree,” you give him a wry smile and he scowls back.

“Are you insinuating that I am anything like that shitlord?”

You can’t help but laugh aloud at that, “oh shit, you don’t evben seen it, well yess. Karkla you are so into him it hurta look et, I mean liek, you are almost the same perpon. I culd stick you into a cloning machine and I’d eget the same guy walkiin and talking all loud like ‘I hate myslef but this jerk here is my homie, eben tho he sloud too it bursts my fucken eardroms.”

“Christ you’re worse than 10 Dave’s put together now, fuck this. I don’t need your seedflapwhiffing advice, all you are right now is a braindead nookhumping pile of go fuck yourself.”

At that moment Dave saunters his ass in and takes one look at you two before giving himself a face palm x2 combo. You drink to that.

“Holy shit, what sweet hell have I walked in on here?”

“We werb jus talkin about you Dave,” you smile, but a little too widely you think. Karkat however, looked like he just had the blood drained out of him as he stood between the two of you.

“I can’t believe you’re already drunk out off your fucking mind. And I don’t give a shit what you were talking about, you need to stop this, and if its not for me do it for your fucking girlfriend Kanaya at least.”

“Psshshh, my girlfrond, Dav, Dave, we’re dating, we not that speshal yet.”

“Well then I don’t know what the fuck to do Rose. Karkat get over here,” he gestured with his head for Karkat to move, but he resisted.

“What?”

Oh now shit was going down, you wished you had popcorn for the occasion, maybe you could alchemize some in time, but Dave catches you slinking off. “Rose, keep your ass put, I’m not fucking done here yet. Karkat, get the fuck behind me or so god help me.” He does as Dave says, you could tell he was legit mad now. He took out his Snoop Dogg Snow Cone Machete from his strife specibi and you take a frightened step back as he suddenly swings at the bottles on the bench.

“NYO, NO, Dave!”

The machete froze the bottles as it crashed through them, shattering everything it hit, the shards flew everywhere but Dave shielded you and Karkat under his cape just in time. Though he had his glasses on you could see the dark look on his face, one that told you this could have gone differently, but you could still be forgiven.

“WHAT THE TAINCHAFFING FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT. Dave you fucking imbecilic truculent bulgesucker, we could have had our eyes gouged out by that, was this some fucking stunt to make you the hero, another charade in your play of egotistical–“

“Karkat, shut the fuck up, this doesn’t concern you.” Dave turns to you, but seeming far less furious, which only made it more intimidating in the calm anger.

You didn’t know what to say, he just shredded you a new one with one of his shitty swords, but now you doubt that it’s so shitty.

“Rose look, I didn’t want to have to do that, but with the way my day has been going, that was the only likely outcome of these events. Also I think I needed to smash out some anger from before too.” He sighed heavily and grabbed the bridge of his nose. “Why do you do this to yourself? Don’t you remember how fucked up that date ended up being with Kanaya, you drank yourself into a far worse state than if you were just nervous. What is it this time? Because it seems like you’re drinking for the hell of it now, what will make you stop?”

Your face feels wet, and you realise you had quietly been crying, oh the wonders of liquor enhancing your emotions. Not wanting Dave to see, you stare at the ground firmly and mumble unto yourself with a small sob. “Well I jus felt shitty bepause my mum and the veil in the drem bobbles, I mish her Dave ana can’t stop HIC thinpin abutt it.” He hugs you then, and it was the most awkward thing you’d ever shared with Dave as an ecto-sister, his arms were stiff and in your struggle to comprehend what was happening you didn’t try to hug him back till he was already pulling away.

“Do you want to sleep this off, Rose?” he asks softly.

You nod, not wanting to embarrass yourself further with words. He guides you out of the room and Karkat follows quietly behind, not knowing where he should quite be in the middle of this.

He asks Karkat to wait outside while he closes the door to your room and puts you to bed. “Thunk you Dave…” you murmur.

“Hey, shut up, this is sleeping time now, and actually sleep, don’t get yourself stuck in some dream bubble out there. Do you want water?” He gives you a jug from his captchalogue and leaves after patting you on the head in the only way ecto-siblings know how, and you drift to sleep quickly in your intoxicated state. You wanted to promise you wouldn’t do it again, but you weren’t sure you were strong enough to believe that, and in the morning you turn over to start the day with a sip from an old drink on the bedside table left from another day of worries.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since there aren't enough troll words I took the privillage of making my own  
> shoutamplifier = megaphone/speaker


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little late, more of a feels chapter than anything.

==> Be Karkat

With the way Dave chastised you after Rose’s disgrace that morning you realise there are bigger problems impacting Dave and your life on the meteor than you’d originally thought. There was so much going wrong so quickly, and it was only getting closer to your arrival in the new session, and you had no idea how to fucking deal with it.

Dave was storming off ahead and you just kicked at the ground behind him trying to keep up, you don’t know why you were following him, or why he was even letting you. Sometimes he’d stop and yell his frustrations at you, not expecting an answer, only to blow off steam. You weren’t used to being the punching bag, but what good was snapping back going to do, he already displayed how helpful that was. You wanted to reassure him somehow, but you didn’t understand what was appropriate for human behavior when intoxicated and how it culturally differed from your own experiences with Gamzee. So you wait, tight lipped and starting to get frustrated yourself with his lack of tact in the situation.

“For such a cool guy, you’ve really lost your shit Dave.” He glanced over his shoulder and spat a ‘fuck you’ back at you. He needed to sleep or something because this tantrum was getting ridiculous.

“Where are we even going?”

“Does it really matter? And you don’t have to follow like a fucking puppy.”

You sigh and roll your eyes, considering leaving his petulant ass to sulk on his own, but he was your friend, as much as you begrudgingly admit that, and he needed a pale mate or something to calm him down, whether or not you’d be that to him.

He entered another wide room to walk through and you saw this as a chance to make him sit down and think. “Dave, just stop for a second,” you ask, sitting on the red-carpeted floor and beckoning him to sit with you.

He raises an eyebrow skeptically, “what?”

“Just sit, shit for brains.”

He sighs heavily and complies, sitting down like a rock next to you then collapsing back to lay on the floor. You turn to face him, sitting cross-legged, elbows propped on your knees to rest your head in your palms. “Do you want to talk about it?” you ask, but he’s already groaning half way through the question.

“Maybe, I dunno, we’ve bitten off way more than we can chew, there’s so much to chew on your masticating like a mother fucker and its just falling out your mouth, there’s drool everywhere and only a filthy bib to show for it.”

“What the fuck is a masticating?”

“It’s a particular word in the English language that sounds far too much like masturbating, but its just another way of saying chew.”

“Eugh, what the fuck Dave. Why do you always have to exacerbate things,” you grimace.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he gives you a sly grin, but only half-heartedly. “In all seriousness though, I didn’t really care when Rose started making this shit, it was her demise not mine, but after seeing how torn Kanaya was over it I wasn’t going to have her ruining her friendship and any chance of sobriety when we enter the new session. She’ll hate herself for it, I know it, she was always bitter about her mother drinking, why would that change now?”

“You did go pretty over the top on her for it.”

“Well she had it coming, but yeah, that was kinda dumb.”

You sigh heavily between the long pauses, why was this so awkward, you’d rather wipe your problems under the carpet, Dave however liked to linger on his and overthinking it to the point that nothing has any meaning afterward. “Dave, are you ok?” you move a stray piece of hair out of his face as you ask, not caring if he was being sensitive about his hair today.

“Why do you ask?” he raises an eyebrow over his shades.

“Because this is fucking weird, you’re being all aloof and snarky, its fucking annoying. I want to know because… well, isn’t it what I’m supposed to do, as your friend,” you sort of mumble over the friend bit, you don’t know what to call this fucked up thing you have with Dave, but friend just doesn’t cut it somehow.

“I just can’t get this out of my head, I’m worried man, what the fuck is happening to everyone? And… I sorta miss John, ya’know.”

Actually you did know, not a day goes by that you don’t find your mind wandering to John and Jade, doing whatever it was they were doing out in the void, lost in much the same way you were. In your absentmindedness you found yourself playing with Dave’s hair, he didn’t seem to care much, deep in his own thoughts. You had the most desirable urge to see his eyes again, he said they weren’t anything special and just kept the shades on out of habit, but you didn’t believe that drivel for a second, so in the moment you grab at the sides and give him a questioning look. He shrugs and lets you take them, you would never get used to how bright they were, it was unsettling knowing yours would develop to something not dissimilar, but it was inevitable and at least it was something the two of you could relate with on a personal level.

“Hey c’mere,” he shuffled over and put his head in your lap, you didn’t quite know what to do with that, so you just go back to ruffling and unruffling his hair, running your fingers through and scratching lightly at the hairline and near his ears, he hums happily and closes his eyes. This was all feeling very flushed, and yet, you didn’t want to define it like that. Everything was so caught between the quadrants that it couldn’t even be vacillation, you remember that your ancestor once had a matesprit that wasn’t quite that, their love was beyond that and exceeded the quadrants. Maybe this was something similar, especially since Dave hasn’t got a clue when it comes to your culture. “Hey, um, sorry for being a dick earlier,” he actually looked apologetic for once, but that could be because you could actually see his eyes now.

“And when might that have been?” you scoff.

“When you were trying to teach me about quadrants this morning. I don’t actually know what I did wrong, but I know I was acting stupid with something that is a cultural norm for you.”

“Oh, thanks I guess…” He nuzzles his head into you then, he’s practically all over your lap, you don’t really know what to do with him there, it was nice, but how the fuck does this shit work. “Hey Dave,” his eyes flick up to focus on you. “How is human love supposed to work anyway?”

“Oh, uh, it’s complicated really, you text them at ungodly hours of the morning, then ignore texts for like 4 hours at a time, stare ominously from the other side of the room sighing like a dazed fool, dump them then realise you were a piece of shit and beg for them back, oh also sneaking behind their back trying to find some other hot ass to serve these balls on, then beg again and swear you had nothing to do with Jane doe in the back. It’s a highly devised game of baseball really.”

“That sounds fucking awful.”

“Well yeah, I guess that’s an example of bad relationships, although I can only impart to you what I have seen in some shitty old movies. I swear if people did the shit they do in some crappy romances we’d be fucked sideways with no chance of gravity saving us from this new damned life in horizontalvile.”

“Right… how about a serious answer, you ass.”

“Man, I was being ostentatious when I said that, you know I don’t do serious, plus I don’t know jack shit about human relationships, I’ve barely even been close, I think the closest I got was Jade kissing my fucking corpse after being riddled with bullets, and shit let me tell you, that is no way to go about it. Also fuck this game for having the most messed up bullshit in order to bring people back to life, like, am I a fucking zombie now? I was reincarnated as my dreamself only to fucking die again in order to godtier, and that’s just as fucked in the head. Are we going to start craving brains and need to go on a zombie hunt, although it’ll just be Rose and I in the middle of that shit, and didn’t you say Gamzee’s godtier is fake, except I’m pretty sure he’s the closest to zombie out of all of us. Hey what if-“ and you check the fuck out of this conversation, god fucking dammit you got him started on a real whirlwind this time. You distracted yourself with his hair again, his talk blaster was still getting a run on the proverbial treadmill when you tuned in again. “—and Kanaya’s a fuckin’ vampire, right? This is turning into some god damned Supernatural episode I swear, but they haven’t had zombies yet, or did they?”

You try to interrupt to no avail. “Dave.”

“Shit I don’t remember, god can you imagine all the episodes they’d have by now if earth didn’t get fucking destroyed, there’d totally be zombies at some point.”

“Dave.”

“Oh shit dude, what if on the scratched Earth there’s a completely different show—“

“For fucks sake, Dave, shut up already, you’ve been flapping your gums on this for the last 5 minutes, you have no fucking chill.”

“Well somebodies got to put the contingency plan into action if we’re all zombies. What were we even talking about before this?”

You cannot believe you waste your time on this dork, but now you’re stuck with him, pressing a palm to your forehead you try to come back from this. “I was _trying_ to draw blood from a stone apparently and asked you what you thought about the human nature of love, but fuck that because now we’re all zombies,” you threw your hands in the air as exaggeration, but you seriously cannot believe how out of hand that got so quickly.

“Oh shit, yeah. Like, maybe its similar to moiraillegience where you care about them like in platonic relationships, but it goes deeper than that I guess, you get caught the fuck up in the black hole that is your feelings then it just sucks you deeper and every minute of your day is spent thinking about this person, not quite obsessively, but endearingly? Every time you look at them there’s this mad rave in your stomach and you feel sick, but in a good way, like the love just rocks you to your core. And suddenly all you ever want to do is the most boring shit with this person, you imagine them in every situation, and when you’re together its like there’s an electric charge between where you finish and they begin, like you’re part of a hive mind. But obviously I got no fucking idea, what did you want to know anyway, you’ve seen enough trashy romcoms to get it.” All the while Dave was prattling on he’d taken one of your hands from his hair to brush over it in a bored manner.

“Wow, that actually sounded fucking genuine for a change. Are you trying to tell me that’s how you feel…?”

“You could always ask Rose, except you got stuck with the two most sarcastic and coy humans left in existence, so I doubt a ‘straight answer’ is likely to leave her lips either, what did you expect.” He kissed the hand he held which caught you off guard, then laughed. “Heh, _straight_ answer, oh that’s good.” You rolled your eyes at him and took your hands back to lean on them, to which he gave a disapproving moan. “Aww, I was enjoying that.”

“Says the guy who’s almost more precious about his hair than he is those stupid spectacles that make his head look like a fucking pear.”

“The fuck they do,” he sat up and turned over to face you on his hands and knees, face far too close for comfort. “Anyway, thanks for the feels jam, I think I’ll be heading to bed now, better off ending today on a good note than another shitty surprise.”

“Oh,” was all you could muster, you were hoping to stay for longer, it was nice, you’d admit this is what you wanted this morning to be like, but you’d also rather forget about that.

“Where you sleeping tonight anyway?” He stood up now and offered a hand to you.

“Um, my respiteblock, dah. Not like there is a night here anyway…” you took the hand and got up with him. Shit now there was an awkward silence, what the fuck was he getting at anyway, you’ll sleep where you always do, on some shitty horn pile in the corner of your room instead of maybe your more ‘comfortable’ make shift recuperacoons that wasn’t much better really, but who needed to know that.

“Did you want to like, I dunno, maybe cuddle in my room for a change?”

“Dave, you have a very skewed concept of intimacy, you don’t fucking bounce from one end of the scale to the other, leaving me breathless from a kiss one day, then having to beg for your attention the next.” He really didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, but neither did you, who was the real expert here, an austere asshat or your sorry excuse for a matesprit.

“You could just say no,” he sighed heavily.

Your voice grows small in your throat and you murmur out, “but I wasn’t saying no…” half hoping he’d hear you, while also wishing you didn’t say anything.

He puts an arm around your waist then and starts walking out the room, with no other choice you follow him out, trying to suppress your growing smile.


End file.
